I hate myself sometimes

I've been in Canada for 3 years and half. And it's been more than 3 years since I started writing my blog at MSN Space. That blog tided me over the loneliness. It never matters how many people you are surrounded or how many social life you have in a week. When party is finished, and people all gone, the hollow inside and the dark outside just slowly eats me up.

It's a paradox for me actually. I enjoy being alone while I'm longing to be gregarious. I constantly need some space while I'm badly admiring friends who hang around together all the time and openly share their deepest dirty stuff. I'm self-contradiction. For hell sure!

Traffic Jam in Beijing

I guess people who ever been to Beijing would be surprised by the traffic there. Twenty years ago, there were "nine million bicycles" in Beijing as the song by Katie Melua. But now, it's an awful auto-city with smog-filled traffic.

Personally, I wish we could go back to that age. At least, we'll be healthier while living in such a metropolis with regular exercises everday and without severe air pollution. According to Simon Elegant from TIME.com on Nov. 13, 06, "The capital remains a standout among Chinese cities in that it has no restrictions on the number of new cars hitting its streets. Every day about 1,000 new vehicles boost the approximately 2.8 million total in the city."

I remember when I prepared my TOEFL exam in Beijing, it's actually a 20-minute driving distance from my home to school, but I had to start off an hour eariler everyday. As Luo Xin wrote in his blog, three primary factors contribute to today's situation: 1. unsystematical city planning; 2. poor designed civil engineer; 3. undeveloped public transportation system. And I will add two more: 4. no restrictive regulations on new car sales and 5. emergence of economical cars in Chinese auto-market led this "upgrade" from bicycles to cars affordable by more Chinese families.

I love my country. But everytime when I flew back to China, the skyscrapers could be glimpsed only through a veil of noxious smog, I was so sad. I don't know what I can do to mitigate this situation, but I do hope that I can awake more Chinese people to care more about our environment and sustainable development instead of acclaim only by the growth of our GDP.

First Post

Finally, I decided to move from MSN Space which has accompanied me for almost 2 years. There are two reasons: 1. For the next 4 months, it's going to be a pivot in my life. It's full of uncertainty and I don't want to answer any question about my near future raised by my friends, intimate or not. But at the same time, I do need some sort of mitigative to ease my intense nerve and lonely soul. And I choose blog. 2. MSN Space sucks.

Actually, I'm kind of obsessive with Blog. I know it wastes my time somehow, but I can't live without it; otherwise, my time gonna have far more ways to be wasted. It's a way to isolate myself from the crowd, but I feel safe...Maybe I am just too lazy to live a social life.

I hope I can focus on one theme for this blog and I've thought for a while. First, I decide to write in English, which was inspired by a friend of mine who has insisted on writing in English for a long time. I think it helps. For me, personally, I treat writing very seriously because I believe it's very important to find me a job or to keep me a job here. Besides, I am always ashamed myself when I can't provide a good explanation or answer about some Chinese culture in English.
I hope through this platform I can share my Chinese culture knowledge with new friends and improve my English to be better prepared for my career in Canada.